Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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