This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
