so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
