You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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