he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
