Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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