Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize