if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
