Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
