whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think i have herpe
just one?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
