he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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