marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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