I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
