I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
