We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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