Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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