The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
