dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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