my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
