that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She bit a glass in half.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
