Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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