We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
