smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
