Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
