I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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