Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
