Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
