Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
