All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize