No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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