And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
