yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
