The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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