She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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