I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
