We're facebook friends in real life
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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