listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
