so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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