I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
