Your mouth is God's brothel.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
