it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
false alarm, still single
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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