I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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