This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
