the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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