i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
