Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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