You really coming over, don't trick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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