Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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