my phone needs a breathalizer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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