You really coming over, don't trick.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
