talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
