That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize