i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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