im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
