Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
