I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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