This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
