Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize