Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
