and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
