what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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