Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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