Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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