I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
