What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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