Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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