I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can't just leave with hair like that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
