so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize