I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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