I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
