My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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